vanilla

almost fell asleep writing this boring post

The thought of trying to write a follow up post to keep this thing going is making me physically ill. I keep getting lost in my head wondering what to write about and questioning why anyone would ever want to read it.

Now that I’ve put this out there publicly, the dread sinks in. I have to impress people somehow. I have to continue to write things that are interesting and unique and captivating so people can enjoy this thing they’ve subscribed to. Otherwise, why does it exist? What value does it have if it’s not entertaining people?

That’s a fucked up level of pressure. If we’re constantly expecting ourselves to create for other people, of course it’s going to be terrifying to create. That’s why we keep our journals private. And we curate our public image very carefully.

The big scary question is: What do I have to write about that anyone would want to read?

Sometimes I think my life is just too vanilla to write about. But why do I think that? I had cancer in 2016. I had to do chemo and surgeries. That was kind of big. I run a whole ass podcast network. I work hard to lift up creative people. I have interests and passions. Isn’t all that worth writing about?

It’s hard to fight the self-criticism that tells me I’m too boring for anyone to care about what I have to say. I’m just a regular middle-class white lady in Toronto. Who cares? So as I was sitting there thinking, “What the fuck am I going to write about on this substack?”, I decided to just fuckin’ write about how I’m too scared to write anything. The idea was to just write something. Anything.

Maybe the next post will be about something more interesting.

Anyway, thanks for caring! 😘

Here’s another photo of me in a happy place. Riding around Greece with my sister on her motorcycle. She’s cooler than I could ever hope to be.

If you’re curious about the podcast network I run, it’s called The Sonar Network and you can check it out here.